Now, the development pace of this next game is going to be much slower and more deliberate.  My wife has specifically asked me to slow my pace because I am approaching burnout; my job’s workload has been chaotic and increasing.  And on top of which, I stand to be on-call for late-night server emergencies as well as taking care of a toddler who still doesn’t sleep through the night.

As a side note, I wanted to thank a number of posters who have been supportive and encouraged by my show of tenacity.  I want it known that I fully admit that I am a very slothful person.  And I have been rather disappointed and discouraged by the number of mistakes I made – among which was pursuing a contest and not seeking a sponsor and the poor returns I’ve gotten on the game because of my rushed game design that focused on 3D rather than on gameplay.

I would not have gotten as far as I’ve gotten had it not been for my wife inspiring me.  Even now she is encouraging me to push on.  I am already started feeling the symptoms of fatigue, and I put my trust in my wife on how to keep long-term tenacity.  She was, after all, a competitive long-distance and marathon runner.

But I wanted to make a separate post to all those who have been posting and encouraging me along the way.  It also helps to know that there are those out there who are watching and rooting for me.  And you stand as witnesses to what I have resolved to do.

Now onto Game #2!

After the completion of my first game, Strike Eagle, I was very sure to write Daniel “Danc” Cook of Lost Garden, thanking him for the use of some of his artwork, specifically the trees and explosions that he generously posts on his blog for game developers to use in their games.  Be sure to check them out, and if you use them to give him due credit.

Danc was very gracious to write me back and asked me about some of the things I learned from the experience.  This is what I wrote.

Hi Danc,

Thanks for writing back.  I hope that things are going well with your game, “Bunni.”  Your blog continues to be one of the most insightful blogs out there on good game design.

I learned quite a bit from the experience of programming my first game: a lot having to do with tenacity and making design compromises to hit the contest deadline.  But upon reflection, I see my game as focusing too much on technical prowess and too little on gameplay.  One of the major design requirements for the contest was to use a 3D element in the game and I used the a 3D plane quite extensively.  However, because of that, the focus of my design became technical mastery rather than “fun” factor of game design.

My game was modeled after “Afterburner” from the 1980s arcade.  But the reason why a game like “Afterburner” is fun, is the novelty of using a flight stick in a fast-paced arcade-like shooter.  Translating the experience to the keyboard and mouse loses a lot of what made “Afterburner” fun.  I’m quite proud of the technical tricks I used to get the moving background effect to look convincing, but in the end, what matters is if the players enjoyed it, and will come back again telling all his or her friends.

I am quite proud of the numbers my game has produced: over 100,000 in ad impressions in a month, and a spike in site traffic on my blog, however there is also the reality of spending over 120 hours of long sleepless nights for a low return.  So far, I’ve gotten back about $.40 to every hour I’ve spent working on the game and to be frank, there are many great games that I’m competing against that are far more polished and deserving of credit that I believe I will not win the contest.

But as my Dad would say, “Count this as a tuition fee.”  I am still a student of game design and have much more to learn.  I will be sure to make my second game a lot more fun and I’ll let you know when it is posted.

Again, thank you for all the incredible posts on your blog, and especially the art that you so generously let game developers like myself use in their games.

Sincerely yours,
Paolo

Now, the next question is, do I go on or do I give up?  Is it worth the price especially looking at my son sleeping next to me as I write, the countless hours of sleep I will lose on my next endeavor, especially in the face of even more hours at work in the coming weeks?

You better well believe it.  Let’s do this again until we get it right.

As soon as I get home, I spend as much time as I can with my boys. As a father, I have only a very limited time to really be a father to my boys. If I cut out the time I am working, my sons are eating, or bathing – I have a very small window of time at night to really be a Dad.

Thankfully, I have the weekends to play with them, to take them to parks or visit the museums, but when they get older and have more of their own friends, what time will there be for me as a father?

And for my wife, the time I take to be with my boys is time she has to rest, recuperate and spend time working on her own projects. I know far too many fathers who just kick back, flip on the tube (or Xbox) and decompress while leaving it to their wives (who have been taking care of the children all day) to take care of the children even into the night. Is it any surprise that there are so many men and women who are afraid to pursue making a family with this as the typical example of home life?

Early in our marriage, I took it upon myself to give my wife the room to pursue her own dreams. She’s sacrificed her life and career to take care of our children that I thought it was only fair to let her seek her own dreams. I ultimately hope that whatever I am able to accomplish as an indie game programmer will also be what helps her in building hers.

And perhaps one day I’ll launch her gothic/victorian fashion line from my blog.

My wife in turn has opened the opportunity for me to pursue my dreams as well. Without her help, support and encouragement, I would not have even had published my first Flash game, Strike Eagle.

There are certain sacrifices that were made however. Among them is that we have a limited social life outside our family. And there are friendships that have fallen by the wayside and sometimes painfully so. There are only a limited number of hours in a day, and the one thing I have and always made clear is that my family comes first and the job that feeds my family comes second.

Even my sleep deprivation must be regulated because I have to be patient with two small children who don’t like going to bed. (I wonder where they get that from?) So there will be nights where I have to sleep early to recover and be refreshed for my sons – ready to play, wrestle, and piggy-back ride while my wife rests from a long day of nurturing, disciplining and teaching.

I truly believe my wife has the tougher job. After all, when I go on lunch break, my coworkers don’t steal my food and when I go to the bathroom, my coworkers aren’t constantly banging on the stall door.